Loving versus Lusting

Sweet friend,

I hope you’re well.

Have you taken a moment lately to notice how much you've grown? and how quickly time has passed? Once just a little girl, now unmistakably a woman. And as you grow in age and perhaps even in wealth, it's important that we all also grow in wisdom. Because truly, life has no real meaning without wholehearted devotion to God.

I will tell you this for free… surrendering your heart to God is no easy trip. It’s a journey of refining, and yes, it can be tough. But through it, you begin to see life from God’s perspective. Those shallow things start to lose their grip on you, and you begin to understand that every single person… even the one who betrayed you or abandoned you, is deeply loved by God. And suddenly, you realise that holding onto grudges is just silly.

You also begin to choose love instead of fear or suspicion. Your heart starts to care not just for those close to you, but for strangers too. Because at the end of it all, we will each stand before Jesus (facts by way), not with resumes of our achievements, but with a record of how we loved, served, and made disciples for His Kingdom.

And honestly that’s what this life is truly about: love, and complete surrender to Jesus.

So, for this week I wanted us to do a heart check, per usual. It may not be streamlined… but bear with me and follow the message.

I really hope and pray it blesses you. You ready? Then let’s dive into it!

Love & Lust

By now, you’ve probably noticed that vulnerability isn’t something that comes easily to me… at least not in front of people. But the truth is, I’m probably more emotionally aware than most. I genuinely love people, however, I struggle to express it outwardly.

Right now, I’m in a season of letting the Holy Spirit do a deep work in me. I want my life to truly reflect Jesus… because this is real life, not a storybook or a movie. My heart’s desire is to grow into someone who loves freely and lives fully surrendered, not guarded or closed off.

Recently, I’ve been praying that God would increase in me, and that I would decrease and that He would give me a completely renewed heart. The truth is, as human beings, we all long to be loved, but we often don’t know how to love others sincerely. We find it hard to love those who fail or betray us and our love tends to have limits, especially when there's no incentive.

We convince ourselves that guarding our hearts this way is wise. But one day, we might wake up feeling deeply empty, realising we’ve shown more consistent love to a pet than we have to our friends and family, and even strangers.

Sweet friend, when we look around at all the brokenness, the wars, the violence, and the hate, we often blame God… and yes, we point fingers at the devil too. And while it’s true that satan is behind a lot of the chaos, let’s not forget… we, as humans, are the ones carrying it out. We’re the ones with the authority on this earth (Luke 10:19; Psalms 8:6), and yet, we use that power to hurt, betray, and destroy one another.

When you see news of war or violence, you don’t see spiritual beings holding the weapons… its people. And what we’re seeing is a tragic lack of true love.

I heard something recently that struck me deeply. Someone said, “Deception exists where love is absent.” And I couldn’t agree more. So many of us fall into deception because there’s a void of real love in our hearts. That’s how satan gets in… he lies about the nature of God, and because we haven’t rooted ourselves in love, we believe him. And slowly, we turn away from the very One who is love.

Many of us chase lust more than love, even in romantic relationships. The other day, my younger sister shared a post from someone I really admired, revealing they had divorced their husband. It made me stop and think: why is divorce so common these days? And why do some even celebrate it? For me, I believe marriage is something I will only enter into if God clearly confirms it’s His will. And honestly, if He says no to marriage, I would actually be okay with that. My focus is on having a heart that’s truly ready, because I see marriage as a calling that demands selflessness… a ministry more than just having a lifetime companion. Also, it means you no longer live for yourself anymore, and if my heart isn’t fully prepared, or if God isn’t walking that journey with me, then I believe the responsibility of marriage isn’t meant for me yet, or anyone else, who hasn’t allowed their hearts to be circumcised.

I’ve been thinking that maybe many of us confuse lust with love, and that leads us into marriage too quickly. Let’s take a closer look, sweet friend… girl meets boy. She’s drawn to his voice, his height, his lips, his job, his house, his car, and based on these things, she decides he’s a good match. If she’s wise, she would ask herself, “Do I truly love him? Do I love him because he sees me, or do I love him just for what he offers?”

Many of us “love” only because we feel loved. For example, if someone gives you the things you want, you might instantly feel loved and try to return those feelings. But material things shouldn’t be the reason you believe you’re loved, or what motivates you to love in return. True love isn’t rooted in what we receive, but in the decision to love regardless. You should love, not because of gifts or gestures, but because love is who you’re choosing to be.

But what happens when that boy faces hardship and can no longer express love as before? Does the love for him fade away? I can tell you this for free… more often than not the love does fade away.

Sweet friend, many of us have judged our mothers for staying in marriages where our fathers cheated, lied, and caused pain. But, we often fail to honour and appreciate the love our mothers showed by choosing to stay.

Some might label that love as insecurity or lack of confidence or “may this type of love never find me.” But think about Jesus… He died for people that rejected Him. But no one can ever say that Jesus was desperate or insecure, because this is what love does. It stays even when its not perfect. Now, don’t get me wrong, I would never encourage anyone to stay in a situation where they are not safe. This includes being with a serial cheater, because that can seriously harm your well-being and health. Am saying that, love doesn’t quit. And when I say this, I also say it for yourself as a human being.

Choosing to love a man simply because of what he buys for you often reveals a lack of love for yourself… because even the devil can offer material things. Love was never meant to be about superficial gestures.

Real love is about protection, growth, understanding, encouragement, and truly seeing you… without judgment, even in your flaws. It’s not about what’s in your hand, but what’s in your heart.

Sweet friend, what fascinates me deeply is how we often love our partners so fiercely that they can seemingly do no wrong, while our female friends face relentless judgment over far smaller faults. This stark double standard reveals a hard truth: we might not truly understand what love really means. Many women continue to maintain ties with spiteful ex-boyfriends, yet they’re quick to condemn a female friend for a minor hurt. These friends become labelled as “witches” within their social circles, while the toxic exes remain close. This, clearly isn’t love… this is lust in it’s undeniable form.

Sweet friend, it’s true that loving others can be hard, but often that’s because we haven’t fully learned to love ourselves. You might argue that’s not entirely accurate, and maybe you’re right. But buying yourself an Alaïa bag isn’t love; it’s simply fulfilling a desire. Love isn’t shallow or fleeting… it runs deep.

True love is about forgiveness, generosity, honesty, patience, self-control, and kindness. It reaches beyond familiar faces and holds no accusations, even toward strangers.

Now, let me unpack that last part. Many of us are quick to judge. I, too, was once like that. I used to judge women who dated married men… I found it repulsive and didn’t hold back my opinion. But I’ve had to learn to mind my own business. I don’t believe it’s my place to judge. My role is to love, because we don’t what people are struggling with. For example, what if that’s all she ever saw growing up? Or maybe there’s some kind of dark, generational curse in her family that makes all the women drawn to married men? (sounds ridiculous, right?) I don’t really know. And honestly, I don’t need to have all the details. What I do know, as a believer, is that I’m called to love and always apply wisdom.

Accusing others is often just a way we show that we don’t really love. Take celebrities, for example, they share less than 1% of their lives with us, yet we’re quick to judge them. Maybe it’s because many people feel empty inside and find some strange comfort in seeing others struggle or fall short. But it’s okay to hear some negative news about someone and pray for them… it’s truly okay. As believers, we shouldn’t be tearing others down with harsh words or judgment. Not only does that show a lack of love, but it also reveals ignorance.

One thing many of us do, which really comes from a place of no love, is watching others suffer without helping. We love to show off our progress and hold tightly to what we have, but the last time we gave generously might have been just the £20 in church offerings. We know friends or strangers who are struggling, yet we live in a world where fear holds us back from helping. We worry people might take advantage of us or walk away after we’ve invested so much. So we let fear make us stingy. But the Word of God reminds us that when we give to the poor, it’s like lending to God Himself (Proverbs 19:17.) Imagine God owing you? Well, that’s beyond huge!

Sweet friend, if your love doesn’t lead you to make sacrifices, then it’s not truly love. Sometimes, love shows up in the most uncomfortable ways… giving your last bit of something, spending time with someone who isn’t close to you even when you're completely drained. Love is rarely convenient. It’s often challenging.

If you only show love when it’s easy or suits you, then it’s not love at all. Real love looks like what Jesus did… laying down His royal life for us, even when we mistreated Him. And to this day, many still reject Him through their words and choices. Yet, He loves us anyway.

Love is ultimately about surrendering to Jesus. It’s laying down the lifestyle you thought you wanted, surrendering your relationships, your desires, and most of all, your heart. And I promise you, what He has for you is far greater than anything you currently have or could ever imagine, that’s if you haven’t yet surrendered to Him.

This post is a call to love… even your enemies. It’s a call to love your mother-in-law, your difficult relatives, that friend that did whatever… and yes, even those "village people." Of course, we pray for protection and use wisdom, but we must never carry evil in our hearts toward anyone, because when we do, it justifies satan’s accusations against us and that’s something we must guard against.

xo,

te’bod